Weblog
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
-
Currently
Writer's Block
By Peter Bjorn and John
The Chills
see relatedDoes anyone know the secret to falling out of love and forgetting someone? A year ago everyone told me that it takes time. Time.
It has been a year and ten days since Matt and I broke up. 2 months ago, I finally sent him a text message and told him that I'm still in love with him, and have been for 10 months. This morning I sent him another, reminding him that I still love him.
Why? Because I have nothing to loose. He has already forgotten. What we had has already been put to sleep. And all I am is someone he used to date.
I feel a tiny little bit better knowing that he knows I still love him.A year and 10 days. I dream about him almost every night.
The only thing that has changed in a year and 10 days is that now I feel a kind of gentle acceptance that I am always going to love him, that time doesn't heal shit, that I will feel loss in me forever.
This morning I had another dream about him. I woke up at 5:45 am and sent him a text message. And when he wakes up he'll read it and think "My ex-girlfriend is fucking insane and can't move on."
Which isn't any better or worse than anything he would have thought about me if I hadn't texted him.A year and 10 days. Time doesn't heal shit.
The part of me that beleives in soul mates hopes that we'll find each other again.
The part of me that doesn't says that I'll never be that happy ever again.A year and 10 days later and I'd still do anything for him.
Monday, 01 September 2008
-
Currently Listening
In Rainbows
By Radiohead
Weird Fishes
see relatedNew rings on trees
It smells like fall outside. I can feel the freshness of a new year. A newborn baby with an old soul, everything is more beautiful than it's ever been. I am the tree, shedding my leaves. They fly away on zephers. Bluest skies and whitest suns. I will let myself be bare. And New. And Reborn.
No one else in the world knows how good it feels to be me right now. I feel like I can hold the sun in my orange branches. The endless sky begins at my fingertips and the oldness of the world is tangled in my feet.
My old leaves fall to the soil and nourish me.
I will grow. Buds and flowers will burst from my fingertips...
But today I am a painter.
Apples on my limbs and in my cheeks.
I am the newest I've ever been.
Sunday, 17 August 2008
-
I love this song.
I plan on actually writing a real post soon.
I've been getting everything around for school. Hanging with my best friend, Sierra. Who is 4 months pregnant. Which is weird because she's been my best friend since 5th grade.
Smoking a lot...
Not getting a job... heh...
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Wednesday, 06 August 2008
-
My best friend is named Roxanne
Roxanne is my bowl. I'm gay for her.
A boyfriend gave her to me after we had sex.Put out the red light. hee hee.
The other day, I was eating stars and I saw Maharishi. He told me to start meditating. And to eat yellow dahl.
I love Raggae.
About Me
-
" 'You're a product of our language,' Brandy says, 'and how our laws are and how we believe our God wants us. Every bitty molecule about you has already been thought out by some million people before you,' she says. 'Anything you can do is boring and old and perfectly okay. You're safe because you're so trapped inside your culture. Anything you can conceive of is fine because you can conceive of it. You can't imagine any way to escape. There's no way you can get out,' Brandy says. 'The world,' Brandy says, 'Is your cradle and your trap.' " ~Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palanuik
Subscriptions
Pulse
-
Sometimes, what I really need is to take a deep breath, listen to Sufjan Stevens, and close my eyes.
-
If you're floating down the river in a concrete kayak and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?
-
Orangutans are predicted to be first big ape to go extinct. Thier population dropped 14% in 4 yrs. Good thing I fucking hate Orangutans.
